Christine O'Donnel

Okay, gonna say this right now: I have no idea who Christine O'Donnel is, but OHMAI is she weird!

As the former head of the clumsily named Savior’s Alliance for Lifting the Truth (SALT), O’Donnell was the Tipper Gore of the 1990s, attending lewd and lascivious rock concerts just to tell stoned, Satanist teenagers that they were going to hell. "Walking through the crowd I also noticed more pentagrams than crosses around the teenage necks," she gasped. At a 1997 music festival in Washington, D.C., the Catholic killjoy “distributed thousands of brochures with information on the failure rate of condoms, on AIDS, on sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, pornography and the movement of former homosexuals.”

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT
It's like going to Duke and expecting to find some dude in a UNC shirt.

(this one was made in Skitch, which is why the lines are so smooth!)
BUT YEAH
Christine O'Donnel is quite the character... ¬.¬

WARNING: EXPLICIT AND COMPLETELY CHILDISH HUMOR AHEAD

WARNING
EXTREMELY CHILDISH HUMOR AHEAD
CONTAINS SUCH WORDS AS "VAGINA," "VAGINA," "VAGINA," AND "VAGINA."
THOSE WHO ARE OFFENDED EASILY SHOULD NOT WATCH.


Kudos to the lovely Alien for thinking of me when she heard the word "vagina!"

"Ground Zero Mosque" My Ass/Controversy Time! Vol. 4

Charlie Brooker on the "Ground Zero mosque":

To get to the Cordoba Centre from Ground Zero, you’d have to walk in the opposite direction for two blocks, before turning a corner and walking a bit more. The journey should take roughly two minutes, or possibly slightly longer if you’re heading an angry mob who can’t hear your directions over the sound of their own enraged bellowing.

Perhaps spatial reality functions differently on the other side of the Atlantic, but here in London, something that is “two minutes’ walk and round a corner” from something else isn’t actually “in” the same place at all. I once had a poo in a pub about two minutes’ walk from Buckingham Palace. I was not subsequently arrested and charged with crapping directly onto the Queen’s pillow. That’s how “distance” works in Britain. It’s also how distance works in America, of course, but some people are currently pretending it doesn’t, for daft political ends.

New York being a densely populated city, there are lots of other buildings and businesses within two blocks of Ground Zero, including a McDonald’s and a Burger King, neither of which has yet been accused of serving milkshakes and fries on hallowed ground. Regardless, for the opponents of Cordoba House, two blocks is too close, period. Frustratingly, they haven’t produced a map pinpointing precisely how close is OK.

That’s literally all I’d ask them in an interview. I’d stand there pointing at a map of the city. Would it be offensive here? What about here? Or how about way over there? And when they finally picked a suitable spot, I’d ask them to draw it on the map, sketching out roughly how big it should be, and how many windows it’s allowed to have. Then I’d hand them a colour swatch and ask them to decide on a colour for the lobby carpet. And the conversation would continue in this vein until everyone in the room was in tears. Myself included.

That hasn’t happened. Instead, 70% of Americans are opposed to the “Ground Zero mosque”, doubtless in many cases because they’ve been led to believe it literally is a mosque at Ground Zero. And if not . . . well, it must be something significant. Otherwise why would all these pundits be so angry about it? And why would anyone in the media listen to them with a straight face?

Via.

Mel Gibson Quotes

... as presented by the Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Committeh.



LOTS MOAR HERE!
Most of them are very much not grandparent- or work-safe...

Gandalf Isn't Homeless!

Ian McKellan-- of You! Shall! Not! Paaasssss! fame-- was rehearsing for Waiting for Godot, and someone gave him a dollar.

The 70-year-old actor is rehearsing Waiting For Godot in Melbourne, Australia, and was sitting in his tramp costume having a break when a passer-by gave him an Australian dollar.

He said: "During the dress rehearsal of Godot, I crouched by the stage door of the Comedy Theatre, getting some air, my bowler hat at my feet (and) seeing an unkempt old man down on his luck, a passer-by said, 'Need some help, brother?' and put a dollar in my hat."

...*facepalm*
Gotta say though, I thought the two guys in Waiting for Godot were supposed to be younger. It doesn't say in the play itself, but I kinda assumed they were more 35-ish than 70-ish. Maybe there's a time lapse or something. :B

Via.

Freemason Conspiracy Theory Fail

Oooh, a conspiracy theory! Oooh, it's even got the eye-in-the-triangle! Oooh, everyone knows that's the symbol of the Freemasons!
--or, wait, no. The symbol of the Freemasons is the G with the precision cutting tool thingy over it. The eye in the triangle is the symbol of the Illuminati.


^{This is the Freemason symbol.}

Honestly, there isn't an accurate version of the Illuminati symbol on the web. All of it is the stupid dollar-bill crap. So I can't post a visual example. But it's basically an equilateral triangle with a human's right eye inside.

If you're going to make stupid claims about conspiracy theories, at least get your secret societies right. Jeez.

The Difference Between Harry Potter and Twilight

Kristen Stewart is a bitch.

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Ye have been TROLLED

Language researchers got trolled!
My favorite one is "fap: drunk, confused, intoxicated." OH, IF ONLY. XD

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Driving Through a Wildfire

Holy FSM. I didn't watch this with sound, which is probably a good thing. There are English subtitles when the people start yelling. Most of it is "fuck."
I would probably be cowering in a ball underneath the back seats, crying quietly to myself.
Holy eff.

Via.

Bikes are Evil... Until You Turn 10

I did not learn how to ride a bike until I was 10 years old. I was freaking terrified of the damn things-- I was like Satchel from "Get Fuzzy." Bicycles were evil beings that were to be feared.



I don't know exactly where this bicycle-phobia originated. The only even slightly traumatic experience involving bicycles that I can remember is when I got run over by a local boy on his bike. And that time, it wasn't because of any malfunction of the bike's; it was because I was in the middle of the Pedway. He was riding down the Pedway, because it's at like the perfect angle for bike-riding with little effort, and I was like, "oh, I'm closer to this side than to that side, so I'll move the one foot that it would take to get out of his way." Unfortunately, he also moved that direction, despite the fact that there was literally 5 feet of space in the other direction. I got run over.



But I digress.
So I hated bikes until I was around 10-- so, up until three years ago. Then I got invited to go with my best friend Ruby to Ocracoke Island. Now, that wouldn't be much of a big deal bike-wise, if it was something like Topsail Island or Emerald Isle or something. But it was Ocracoke, where the accepted mode of transportation is the bicycle. And if I wanted to get anywhere on Ocracoke, I was gonna have to ride a bicycle.
Ruby couldn't really ride well either, (although she was considerably less terrified of them than I was, because she was actually SANE), so about a week before we departed for the island, she took out her little red bike. We were determined to learn, even if it cost us our knees. And elbows. And, um, every other angular area on our bodies.




So we tramped up to the Plaza, which is a circular area halfway up the Pedway, and the only really wide place in the neighborhood. There we strapped on our helmets and took turns riding for about ten feet (which is when we fell off). I have no idea why it was so hard.
When we felt we had sufficiently learned how to go more than ten feet at a time, we walked up to the top of the Pedway, and Ruby hopped on the bike again. Then I ran down to the Plaza and made sure no one was around, and howled (the neighborhood kids' favored communication was to wolf-howl). Ruby slowly rode down, stopping every twenty feet or so. When she finally reached the Plaza, we slapped high-fives and traded positions. I ran-walked the bike back up to the top, and waited for Ruby's howl. When she howled, I got on the bike and rode slowly down.



This continued for about an hour.
When we finally got to the point where we could consistently coast down the Pedway with no problem, we were thrilled. We had taught ourselves in one day what both of our fathers hadn't been able to teach us in the four years they'd been trying!
After that, Ruby and I have turned into expert bike-riders. Ocracoke has been awesome-- I've been invited every year since then-- and Ruby still has the little red bike. I have since gotten a Pepto-Bismol-pink beach cruiser, which is more comfortable for me, because I can sit up. I really need to spray-paint it a different color, though. Pink is not my favorite color, at all. :C
So yeah! That is the tale of how bikes are evil until you turn 10.

I was reminded of my bike tales because Allie at Hyperbole and a Half posted her bike story, which is slightly more painful and visual than mine. GO GIVE HER LOVES!

Sarah Palin Got Pranked

This is almost a year old, but it's so great that I had to post it.

Via.

Justin Bieber Is Not a Tank

Justin Bieber attempts to outrun a crowd of squealing fangirls...
...by grabbing a Segway.

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Hitler Reacts

Hitler reacts to Jessi Slaughter.



I hate to say it, well actually I really don't, but that girl brought it upon herself. GodDAMN people are stupid.

Mass Hysteria

Continuing with last night's Jesus post, here's a video of preacher Kenneth Hagin insinuating mass hysteria. It's the same breed of freakishness as the various dancing crazes in Europe during the Middle Ages.



Via.

Jesus Blows Shit Up

Jesus blows shit up in a rather graphic Jehovah's Witness promotion video.